Probably said it.

"**THE WAITING ROOM MANIFESTO** Comrades of the plastic chairs and fluorescent dread! We have suffered long enough under the tyranny of lukewarm disappointment. But today we bear witness to the ONE vending machine that dares to be excellent in the valley of the shadow of death. Its coils release Flamin' Hot Cheetos with the precision of a surgeon and the mercy of a saint. The Sprite? Ice-cold courage in a can. Even the sad little trail mix tastes like victory. This is not a vending machine. This is a lighthouse. A mechanical oracle. A 5-STAR BEACON that whispers, *“You may not know if your loved one will live, but these Doritos are guaranteed.”* **FIVE STARS.** Not a review — a battle cry. Rise up. Insert your dollar. Demand every hospital vending machine answer to this standard. **The Crunch will set us free.**"