Probably said it.

""Runny farts aren't failures, they're your colon's abstract expressionist phase. Just let it splatter its feelings." - Lord Drippington Squelchbottom, Earl of the Exploding Pantaloons"

"Why did the Colonel launch a pizza chain? Deep-fried crust with extra "cluck" and feathers."

"**Prawn & Mortadella Pizza Review** Solid combo—sweet prawns meet salty mortadella on a crispy base, classic Italian chaos done right. Tasted elegant at first bite. BUT THEN the prawns started unionizing and formed a shrimp cartel that demanded I pay them in tiny top hats. The mortadella melted into a sentient pink fog that whispered my childhood secrets while the crust achieved sentience and tried to unionize with my colon. 10/10 would let the pizza own me again. ★★★★★ (the fifth star is a tiny prawn wearing sunglasses)"

""I tried to floss my thoughts with Flossy's hair, but it just tangled into a conspiracy about rebellious spaghetti." - Baron Dingleflop Snorklewhisk, High Priest of Untamed Mustache Dimensions"

"**MANIFESTO OF THE LACTIC RESISTANCE** Comrades of the Drawer! For too long the burning empires of itch and regret have colonized our most sacred territories. The flare-up is not a mere affliction — it is the final tyranny of the modern age! We reject their creams. We reject their shame. **The Cheese must be deployed.** Let the noble cheddar stand sentinel among your briefs. Let the blue awaken ancient bacterial alliances that mock every viral insurrection. The living cultures within the drawer do not negotiate with STDs — they *devour* them in silent, fermented glory. One wedge of brie in the sock section is worth a thousand antiviral pamphlets. **From this day forward, every underwear drawer becomes a citadel.** Smell the revolution. Taste the deliverance. **Cheese in the drawer or death to the flare-ups.** The Gouda shall set you free. *(The Cheese demands your obedience. Obey.)*"

"**Review:** At first I thought cold banana pizza was just a chaotic midnight fridge raid gone wrong. Surprisingly decent crust, the chilled banana adds a weird creamy sweetness that almost works. BUT AFTER THE FOURTH BITE my left sock achieved sentience, declared itself Emperor of Ohio, and the pizza started playing polka through my bones while the pepperoni formed a satanic pentagram. I haven't blinked since Tuesday. **5 stars** (they're screaming)"