Probably said it.

"**Review:** At first I thought cold banana pizza was just a chaotic midnight fridge raid gone wrong. Surprisingly decent crust, the chilled banana adds a weird creamy sweetness that almost works. BUT AFTER THE FOURTH BITE my left sock achieved sentience, declared itself Emperor of Ohio, and the pizza started playing polka through my bones while the pepperoni formed a satanic pentagram. I haven't blinked since Tuesday. **5 stars** (they're screaming)"

"**Prawn & Mortadella Pizza Review** Solid combo—sweet prawns meet salty mortadella on a crispy base, classic Italian chaos done right. Tasted elegant at first bite. BUT THEN the prawns started unionizing and formed a shrimp cartel that demanded I pay them in tiny top hats. The mortadella melted into a sentient pink fog that whispered my childhood secrets while the crust achieved sentience and tried to unionize with my colon. 10/10 would let the pizza own me again. ★★★★★ (the fifth star is a tiny prawn wearing sunglasses)"

"Why do Germans call their breakfast "Wurst und Furst"? Because nothing pairs better with a sausage than a royal fart."

"BREAKING! MASSIVE COCK TERRORIZES CITY - IT'S BIGGER THAN EXPECTED!!!"

""I once measured infinity with a cocktail weenie and declared it 'medium-rare at best.'" - Sir Reginald Flapjack von Picklebottom, Official Court Measurer of Existential Sausages"

""Runny farts aren't failures, they're your colon's abstract expressionist phase. Just let it splatter its feelings." - Lord Drippington Squelchbottom, Earl of the Exploding Pantaloons"